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  • Connor Ewens

Fantasy Booking: Wrestlemania II

Welcome to day 2 of my Wrestlemania rebooking marathon. The gravity of the task I have undertaken has suddenly settled on me. Oh dear. Wrestlemania I was a huge success, how did the highly anticipated sequel do? Not well, not well at all. Vince asked someone "how do I make the second one feel even bigger?" and some prick replied "If only you could have like, 3 Wrestlemania's at once". Yes this is the triple location Mania, not only a bad night of wrestling for viewers at home but an awful experience for the paying fans. Imagine having to spend 2 of the 3 hours you have paid to see live through a 1980s television screen. Balls to that. Here is the card we got:

(Nassau Coliseum, New York)

Paul Orndorff vs Magnificent Muraco

Randy Savage (c) vs George Steele, IC Championship

Jake Roberts vs George Wells

Mr T vs Roddy Piper, Boxing match

(Rosemont Horizon, Illinois)

Fabulous Moolah (c) vs Velvet McIntyre, Women's Championship

Corporal Kirchner vs Nikolai Volkoff, Flag match

WWF vs NFL Battle Royal

Dream Team (c) vs British Bulldogs, Tag Championships

(LA Memorial Arena, California)

Ricky Steamboat vs Hercules Hernandez

Adrian Adonis vs Uncle Elmer

Terry & Hoss Funk vs Tito Santana & Junkyard Dog

Hulk Hogan (c) vs King Kong Bundy, Steel Cage for WWF Championship

I am inclined to only keep one match from this show, the tag title match was pretty good but everything else was pretty pants. There is a lot wrong here and I am ready to change the entire show. Come along with me. Here is how I would book...Wrestlemania II

-First of all, not a chance can Wrestlemania II can survive in my booking as being spread over 3 shows, it just cannot work. I don't want 3 different commentary teams with 1 of them being particularly terrible, I'm looking at you Vince McMahon. However, I don't want to be a cop out so let's make a deal. Let's make Wrestlemania a two-location event, I can work with that. New York hosted the first Mania, so let's keep Chicago & Los Angeles as host cities. Instead of running through a full cities card in one solid sitting, we are going to alternate back and forth between the two cities. It means we can have Gorilla Monsoon & Jesse Ventura sticking together, then we can have Vince McMahon teaming with Bobby Heenan elsewhere.

If you remember from yesterday's article, I booked a mini Intercontinental eliminator to set up a challenger for the title later in the show. With all of these early Wrestlemania shows they have an abundance of popular names but lacking in actual wrestling talent. I want a mini title eliminator to become a Wrestlemania tradition for a little while, allowing the best wrestlers to fill the card so we don't have to watch wrestlers like Uncle Elmer or Corporal fucking Kirchner. Have WWE specifically call the IC championship the "workhorse" belt, with the most gifted wrestlers striving to win the gold at the show of shows.

After the opening package we begin the night in Chicago and we're starting with the first IC eliminator, Bret Hart vs Ricky Steamboat. This was actually planned for Wrestlemania 2 but plans were scrapped. These two wrestled a live event earlier in March and it is one of Bret's favourite matches he ever wrestled. Give these two men 15 minutes to work their magic and we have a contender for one of the best Mania openers ever. Steamboat goes over, but Hart taking him to the limit gives him a huge rub early in his WWF career.

Flipping over to LA now (assume that every match is back and forth between the two cities, I cba to mention it every single time) we have a pseudo-version of the previous years main event. Cowboy Bob Orton Jr & Don Muraco team up against Paul Orndorff & Mr T. We are not watching any shitty boxing matches. NO. I refuse. Orndorff turned face later in 1985 and allied with Hogan, so I would have him and Mr T team up to finish the job that began a year ago. An unintentional distraction by Mr T allows Orton to take of his boot and clock Orndorff with the spur to pick up a cheap win. Orndorff and Mr T argue, which will lead to Orndorff turning heel again later in the year like in real life.

The second eliminator is the cold and calculated Jake Roberts vs legend Bruno Sammartino. Bruno is still a draw even in the later stages of his career. He gets some licks in but I would have Roberts win pretty quickly, like 5 minutes or so. I would love for him to get some good promo time on what he plans to do to both Steamboat and Savage. Bobby Heenan leaves commentary after the match, temporarily replaced by Gene Okerlund.

Before his match, SD Jones comes out and says last year Wrestlemania wasn't a good time for him but this year he is confident he can do better. He faces relative new face Hercules Hernandez. I would have this be another squash, but Hercules winning in like 10-15 seconds. This puts Hercules strong. After the match, Jones is interviewed and says "well, it was an improvement on last year!"

The Heenan Family is represented by Heenan, King Kong Bundy & Big John Studd. They clash in a 6-man tag against Andre the Giant, Hillbilly Jim and famous Chicago Bears defensive tackle, William 'Refrigerator' Perry. I don't care about the NFL, but Americans do. Perry in particular got huge reactions from the Chicago crowd so I think it is smart to keep him in some capacity. This will primarily be a 2 v 2 big man match, the finish coming as Perry knocks Heenan down with a huge shoulder tackle and pins him. Nice win for the hometown crowd.

Adrian Adonis recently adapted his more effeminate gimmick and dresses up in make-up and fancying clothing. Adonis targets King Tonga, viewing his crown as a lovely match for his outfit. This is a bit of a filler match, but I would prefer King Tonga over Uncle Elmer. King Tonga goes over.

The IC eliminator finals between Ricky Steamboat and Jake Roberts. Roberts is the fresher man and is in control for a lot of this but Steamboat manages to pull out a heroic victory to earn a title shot. Whilst he is recovering, Randy Savage runs out and whacks him with the belt and runs.

Hoss & Terry Funk vs Tito Santana & Junkyard Dog goes down like it did in real life because it was a mostly good match.

Tony Atlas teams with Mike Rotundo to face the evil foreigners Nikolai Volkoff & Iron Sheik. This is another filler match, but again I think this would be far more watchable than the other filler we got on the original card. Volkoff & Sheik win, because they're heat magnets.

British Bulldogs challenge the Dream Team for their Tag Championships like it happened in real life because it was a real good match and Ozzy Osbourne was there! How cool.

The main event in Chicago. For the second year in a row, Steamboat has won the IC eliminator and challenges for the title. Give these guys as much time as physically possible to put on a historical classic, I'm imagining their Wrestlemania III encounter taking place here instead. It's very competitive but Steamboat is too gassed and cannot overcome Savage who is fresh and at his best. Savage retains.

In the California main event, It is Hogan vs Piper. I'll set the scene. Following, Wrestlemania Hogan and Piper continue their feud throughout the year with a singles match set up at the Wrestling Classic in November of '85. There, interference from Bob Orton Jr helps Roddy Piper choke out Hogan and win his first ever WWF Championship. He deserved it. Piper says he is the king of the mountain and will never let go of the title. Eventually Hogan manages to earn himself a huge title rematch in the main event of Wrestlemania. To fight against interference, it will take place inside of a steel cage. This will be a far better watch than Hogan vs Bundy. Piper fights hard but ultimately Hogan defeats him to reclaim his championship.

Here is just a break down of the full rebooked card:

(Rosemont Horizon, Illinois)

Bret Hart vs Ricky Steamboat, IC Eliminator

Jake Roberts vs Bruno Sammartino, IC Eliminator

Andre the Giant, Hillbilly Jim & William 'Refrigerator' Perry vs The Heenan Family

Ricky Steamboat vs Jake Roberts, IC Eliminator final

Tony Atlas & Mike Rotundo vs Nikolai Volkoff & Iron Sheik

Randy Savage (c) vs Ricky Steamboat, IC Championship

(LA Memorial Arena, California)

Bob Orton & Don Muraco vs Paul Orndorff & Mr T

Hercules Hernandez vs Special Delivery Jones

Adrian Adonis vs King Tonga

Hoss & Terry Funk vs Tito Santana & Junkyard Dog

Dream Team (c) vs British Bulldogs, Tag Championships

Roddy Piper (c) vs Hulk Hogan, Steel Cage for WWF Championship

How did I do? Is it Macho Man quality or am I being a real Uncle Elmer? Let me know and come back tomorrow for another Wrestlemania rebooking!


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